little boy :)

Josh & I spent HOURS outside today playing in the snow. Tonight he is sneaking out of his room into mine, slipping into my bed & laying there until I notice him. He tells me can't go to sleep, has things to do outside. When that's not an option, he tells me he's going to sleep in Mommy's bed. When that's not an option, he tells me he's hungry. When that's not an option he needs a drink. When I cart him back to his own bed he cries "pleeeeaaase heeeelp meeee Mommmmmmy, neeeeeed haaanky!" (he has a hankerchief, clutched in his little fist). When I remind him of this, hug him & tell him again to go to sleep, he grins and says "hi Mommy, wake up!"

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so whose job IS it?!?! We're going to need to look at these items and figure something out. Do we both agree they are important? If not, compromise? If yes, how can we make sure being done fairly? division of labor? Make job easier to start? find someone else to do it?

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Not my job ALONE! hauling & stacking firewood. mowing & weed whacking. cleaning litterbox. gathering trash & dump run. ashes & mulch out. dishes. cooking. making the bed. errands. worrying over stuff. car maintenance & repairs. childcare.

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NOT MY JOB! Sweeping/shoveling snow off the roof. Chopping ice dams off the roof. Laying out ice melter socks on the roof. Worrying about what to do with the roof. Planning what to do with the roof. What else is not my job? Maintenance & repairs inside or outside the house - either actually doing it, or worrying. about how it's going to get done. Cleaning the chimney.

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A glimmer of hope? Starting to visualize plans for the future. These plans are independent of Michael, which will help to make them not only more achievable, but more satisfying. First, I am considering applying for leadership of our local LLL chapter. I know I am a strong, empathetic, and intelligent woman, but I have some doubts. Do I have the necessary skills to fully help the women who may need me? I've also been pondering becoming a doula - but the same worry applies. I've enrolled J in Thursday morning library time. Before that, we meet some friends at a coffee shop for breakfast. J enjoys this time with other kids his own age - it is very important for him. I have discovered wifi on main street, and am able to spend the pre-coffee time and also naptime. I can actually get something accomplished! yes!

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Falling to pieces. This is the darkest time of year for me. Illness hits us again and again. Winter's cold and cloudy shadow hangs close above our heads. I stop heeding my therapist's advice, look for excuses not to attend our sessions. Stomache bug. Days of no appetite and stomache pain, accompanied by endless trips to the bathroom. Better now, but still lacking in appetite, and daily have sudden bathroom trips. Draining, physically & emotionally. Sinus & ear infection - drag on & on. 10 days of antibiotics, sudafed & ibuprofen left me feeling better for about a week, now it's back off & on. I weaned Josh from nursing in December. Now, at the end of January, I have a plugged duct. ouch! and no way to relieve it. worrying about other people, or projects to be done/planned... exhausting...

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Falling to pieces. This is the darkest time of year for me. Illness hits us again and again. Winter's cold and cloudy shadow hangs close above our heads. I stop heeding my therapist's advice, look for excuses not to attend our sessions. Stomache bug. Days of no appetite and stomache pain, accompanied by endless trips to the bathroom. Better now, but still lacking in appetite, and daily have sudden bathroom trips. Draining, physically & emotionally. Sinus & ear infection - drag on & on. 10 days of antibiotics, sudafed & ibuprofen left me feeling better for about a week, now it's back off & on. I weaned Josh from nursing in December. Now, at the end of January, I have a plugged duct. ouch! and no way to relieve it. worrying about other people, or projects to be done/planned... exhausting...

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